Losing it All
by DazzleMe1901
Summary: Dimitri wasn't taken, but Avery still comes to St Vlad's. Rose is feeling weird and everyone around her is slowly leaving her. When the worst happens, will Rose have to face it on her own? Or will the gang overcome their challenges and be there? Oc/Occ
1. Chapter 1

**The New Kid**s

"Rose, come on, the new kids are coming today, get dressed!" Lissa exclaimed as she pounced into my room. I sighed, as I opened my eyes.

"What's so special about the new kids?" I grumbled.

"I don't know, but we have to meet them!" I sighed loudly and closed my eyes for a moment before I sat up. Lissa was perched on the foot of my bed a smile on her face; I smiled back before swinging my feet over the side of the bed to stand up. Suddenly my world span and I stumbled, Lissa stood up as I caught myself on the night stand.

"Hey, are you okay?" She asked worriedly. I managed to stand straighter as nausea swam in my stomach, I manage to nod, I need her to leave, she couldn't see me this way.

"Yea, head rush, look, go to the feeders and I'll meet you down there, okay?" I said, she looked doubtful for a moment before nodding. She kissed my cheek and headed out the door. As soon as that door clicked I bolted for the bathroom and started heaving.

For then next few minutes anything that was in my stomach emptied itself into the toilet bowl. I sat back against the tub for a second before I stood up on shaky legs and stumbled to the sink. In the mirror my complexion was pale, my eyes slightly red and my cheeks flushed. I washed my face, brushed my teeth before I put a drop in my eyes to clear them up followed by some make up to cover up the paleness.

When I looked back to my normal self I quickly changed and jogged down the stairs to meet up with Lissa. I went into the line and got an apple and water, hoping that I could hold it down.

I sat down between Eddie and Lissa before I opened the water and sipped at it. Everybody was chatting away; I didn't bother adding any comments as I nibbled on my apple. Faintly I heard the doors open and all conversations throughout the cafeteria stopped.

Two students stood there with what I supposed was their guardian behind them. The girl was a little shorter than me she had long light brown hair and what seemed like bluish grey eyes, something about her set me on edge.

The boy next to her looked like her but slightly older but a seemingly permanent scowl was on his face. While the guardian was taller than both of the kids, his guardian mask on, he had sandy brown hair and dark green eyes (Deal with it I don't have Spirit Bound with me) his eyes scanning the area.

"I'm gunna go introduce myself, Rose, come with me please?" She asked pleading with me silently, I sighed and nodded, getting up and following her.

Everyone watched us as we approached them, I was not a half a step behind her, showing my protectiveness, my own mask pulling itself up.

"Hi, my name is Lissa, and this is my best friend, practically sister, Rose, nice to meet you." Liss said, polite as always, I nodded my head in acknowledgement.

"Nice to meet you two as well, my name is Avery, my brother Reed and guardian Simon." She introduced as she and Lissa shook hands. My eye shifted between Reed and Simon, something about them screamed familiar.

"Why don't you get something to eat and sit with us, then you can meet the rest of the gang." Lissa smiled, as Avery nodded and smile back.

'Bring your walls up with this one.' A voice in my head whispered. I didn't hesitate in doing just that, closing my mind to everything but Lissa. Avery stared intently at Lissa and Simon and Reed looked at me, we locked eyes. Something about them, it was weird.

I excused myself back to the table and resumed my spot by Eddie. Adrian appeared next to me and kissed my cheek before sitting on the other side of Eddie. I rolled my eyes before I took another bite out of my apple.

When Lissa, Avery and Reed sat down, I just silently watched as she gave out introductions. I watched as Avery interacted with my friends, and I made silent mental notes.

Adrian was laying the flirt on really thick.

Lissa was leaning slightly towards Avery, almost like she was drawn to her.

Christian seemed to have a slight distaste in her, seeing the way he had is hands folded tightly under the table and he was leaning away from her.

Eddie was just staring at her, almost memorizing her.

I glanced at my watch and noticed I had to head to class.

"Hey Liss," I said, interrupting whatever Avery had been saying, causing Lissa to glare at me. "I'm heading to class, you comin'?"

"No, I'm going to walk Avery and Reed to their class." She stated, I shrugged it off and stood up. My head started to hurt, but I took another sip of water before I walked to my class.

As the day progressed the head ache increased, yet still I ignored it. At lunch Avery sat with us again, I attempted to eat only to have to excuse myself and jogged to the bathroom minutes later.

In the classes that Lissa and I shared, Avery had two of them, and Lissa was glued to her side the whole time. At the end of our last class they lopped arms and were talking and giggling like old friends. Lissa was happy and beyond ecstatic at making a new friend.

While I was still packing my stuff back up Avery looked over Lissa's shoulder with a slightly smug look and winked.

I wish I had known then what I know in the future, because it was in that moment that everything changed. I wish I had listened to my gut, but I didn't. If only I'd had known.


	2. Chapter 2

**This is my disclaimer! I own nothing. Um, this story is just my writers block story soo yea, to me it's not that great but please review and tell me what you think, it's appreciated! Love you guys!**

_**Weak **_

It's been almost a month since Avery came to the school. It's been 3 weeks since I last saw Adrian, it's been 2 weeks since I last spent time with Lissa, and a week since Dimitri started acting weird.

What ever was happening to me, it was getting worse, but still I refused to tell anyone. I still went to practice, I still went to class, and I still acted normal as I could. The dizzy spells were far apart, but the intensity of them were… well to the point that I would have to sit for a while.

I could typically hold down my meals, but when I couldn't, it was to the point that a little blood would be there. My head would spin and I could barely walk in a straight line for a while.

Shaking my head slowly I walked down to the cafeteria, plastering on a fake smile as I got my now usual apple and water. I sat at my new table in the farthest corner and watched people interact.

Soon I went to class and I was ignored, I still didn't care, they didn't know what was going on with me, and they never would, and by default, I didn't care. In Stan's class I didn't speak, in training I didn't look Dimitri in the eye, and I didn't hang out with anyone any more.

When my training ended I walked out of the gym and just started walking out into the woods. I started to jog and before I knew I was out the wards and about a mile away from the academy. My body felt weak but I pushed on until I came to a beautiful sight.

There was a waterfall falling into a small lake with a jagged pointed rock on the side a short climb up that looks over the lake and a clear view of the sky. Taking a deep breathe I jumped up and my hand latched onto the edge as I pulled myself up and over.

I pulled my legs to my chest and just watched my surroundings, I sat there for I don't know how long, just letting my thoughts race. When I yawned I climbed off my perch and hit the ground only to be hit by a wave of nausea.

Running to a bush and puking my guts out. My body shook with each heave, sweat covered my face and my hair fell in my face. It hurt, the pain was excruciating and I could do nothing but fall back, curl up and let tear silently fall from my eyes as my world span around me. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths for a while.

I felt something warm and wet lap at my cheeks and my eyes snapped open. Hovering over me was the most beautiful wolf I had ever seen. It's face was a mix of black and white with a slight brown tinge around the edges and it's eyes were the most startling shade of blue that put the Royals to shame.

It just watched me as I watched it, and finally it's ears went down and it walked to me and sat at my side. Cautiously I placed my hand by it's nose, it paid no attention to my hand and placed its head under my palm. I smiled and looked at it's figure, it was lean and deadly, but it's face was some what soft, as I stroked it's fur it rolled onto it's back and revealed that it was very much a he.

"Hi there," I spoke softly, my voice slightly rough. He stood up and nudged me before walking to the side of the lake, whining softly. I nodded and crawled shakily toward him and placed my hands in the water and rinsed my mouth.

The wolf's blue eyes watched my every move with a calm expression; it baffled me considering that animals didn't like Dhampir's. As we had a staring contest he padded closer to my side and licked my cheek softly, almost affectionately. I smiled as a small giggle/gasp escaped me.

I lay back and stared at the stars, watching it all and before I knew it the sun was coming up and my head was resting on some warm and soft, and... breathing. I sat up in shock and looked to see the majestic wolf curled around where my head was. I swore as he looked up at me and stood up, he pressed himself to my side before nudging me upwards.

I stood up and petted his head softly before I started to run back to the academy. Barely avoiding getting caught I made it to my room and just laid down and closed my eyes. I woke up to my alarm clock blaring, shooting up I took a shower and got dressed quickly and started towards the gym.

Not paying much attention to my surroundings I jogged to the gym to meet Dimitri, that is until I bumped into someone.

"oh sorry, I wasn't paying attention." I apologized looking up to see Eddie.

"What ever." He said coldly, I raised my eye brows.

"Hey, what's the matter?" I asked.

"Nothing."

"Well obviously it's something." I state, but I wasn't expecting what he said next.

"You know what, there is something wrong, it's you! It's your fault ya know, it's your fault that Mason died. He loved you so much that he went back into that house and you were such a slut that you couldn't realize it. You're weak and disgusting and you're a waste of life, now leave me the fuck alone." He snapped, walking away, not even giving me the chance to reply.

To say I was in shock was an understatement. My heart beat erratically and I felt tear prick at my eyes. I turned into a dark corner and slid down the wall.

"He's right, you're worthless and weak. You shouldn't be alive." A voice whispered in my head. I shook my head and placed it between my knees as my thoughts tortured me.

If only I'd known that this was only the beginning, I think I would have stayed in the meadow.


	3. Chapter 3

Okay this is the shortest chapter by far. Sorry, but again this is just a writer's block story. So, yea, I hope ya'll enjoy and please review and give me you're thoughts and/ or suggestions.

_**Little Blood whore**_

A week has passed since the whole thing with Eddie, and now, it seemed as if everyone was whispering and pointing at me. I tried my best to ignore them and I did, that is until I remembered what Adrian had told me when we bumped into each other two nights ago.

-FLASHBACK-

I was walking into the lobby of my dorm when I saw Adrian walking down the stairs with Avery on his arm. He looked up and looked me in the eye before he busted out laughing.

"How the hell could I not have seen it before! Months of my life I'm never getting back, pining away for a _slut_. Little dhampir, more like little _blood whore_." I heard him sneer.

"Oh hell no Adrian, you did not just fucking say that, you wanna call me a blood whore, your just a man whore, you fuck anything with legs." I replied looking him in the eye and speaking regular.

"Oh honey, just because you're legs are always open doesn't mean you need to start pointing fingers."

I felt the darkness in me swell and not even a second later my fist was drawn back and I punched the shit out of him, he stumbled and fell on his ass. The side of his jaw and eye were already red and was swelling.

"You little bitch, what the fuck!" He growled into the empty lobby.

"Before you start stating whose legs are open you better what yourself before you catch something. And by the way, you report this and I won't be going down alone." I growled, glaring at him.

"You're nothing but a blood whore; you won't amount to anything, that's for sure." He spat.

"Then it's my job to prove you wrong." I stated as my heart broke a little as I really looked at him.

His pale face was paler, he had bags under his eyes, and now he was sporting a black eye, but it was the look in his eye that chilled me. A deep set hatred and pain, physical pain, a part deep inside that seemed to be screaming and struggling. I wanted to feel bad for him but I couldn't, the pain he was causing me was terrible.

My head started to hurt and my world started to spin, Avery was helping Adrian up and I heard her whisper in his ear.

"Let's get away from this psycho bitch and have some time to ourselves."

-End of FLASHBACK-

Ever since then the rumors got worse and he walked around with a black eye that was practically swelled shut and from the bond I can tell that Lissa couldn't for some reason heal it.

A small piece of my heart died and I found myself back in the meadow. I missed the presence of the wolf, my wolf. I let out a loud and low whistle that echoed through out the woods. I went to the edge of the lake and curled up and listened to the water fall. I got comfortable and I heard a slight shuffle and seconds later felt a warm body press against my side.

"Hey boy," I said softly as I felt his muzzle on my hip nuzzling slightly. "You actually heard me, thank goodness." He looked up slight before curling up next to me.

We sat silently, me stroking his fur and him just giving me his company.

"You're nothing; you deserve no one, watch they're all going to leave you." The voice in my head whispered. The hand that stroked the wolf's fur stopped as the voice continued. "Eventually Lissa will leave and so will Dimitri and Christian. Your own mother hates you."

On and on the voice went until finally I curled on my side and passed out. My dreams were haunted with the images of everyone leaving me, me alone and dying. And in that dream I realized that I _was _going to die. It was most likely from everything that was going on with me.

I woke up with tears in my eyes and my neck covered by my wolf's, his body lined with mine as if to keep me warm, I appreciated it.

I was sucked into Lissa's head before I really had the chance to comprehend that my walls were down.

She was sitting in front of Avery and she was talking about something, she was talking about me.

"Why hasn't she talked to me? She's starting to scare me." Lissa cried.

"Oh, honey, it's alright, she's probably going through some stuff." Avery cooed as if she were talking to a child.

"Then why would she have told me anything, I need to go talk to her." Lissa said standing up only to be pulled down by Avery.

"Look give her some room, here, have something to drink." She said, looking Lissa in the eye, out of no where I felt as if I was slapped in the face by a wall as I flew into my body.

I shook my head, and looked at the sky. What was going? I wanted to fight back for my friends but I felt so weak. So, so terribly weak.

If only I'd know, if only, if only. I would have done things so differently.


	4. Chapter 4

_**No Future In Tomorrow**_

A couple of days later I walked into the gym knowing that I had to get something off my chest. Dimitri was standing in the middle of the gym, his sweat pants hanging low on his hips, his muscle shirt showed of his shoulders and broad chest nicely. I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Dimitri?" I asked softly, he turned to look at me, his guardian mask half on.

"Rose." He responded softly, his accent slightly more pronounced.

"Look I need to talk to you, and I need to say this before I lose my nerve. Okay?" I said in a rush my hands moving without my consent as he raised an eyebrow. "Alright, where to begin, Dimitri, I know what ever is going on in your head it's causing you to push yourself away from me. I understand I know that you think I'm young and naive and no matter what happens there's always going to be that thought in the back of your head. Dimitri I know you want a family, and I can't give that to you,"

"Your right." He said, completely cutting me off. "I want a family and you can't give me that, I'm going to always think that Adrian is going to finally sweep you off your feet, and he probably will. So, Rose, I'm taking Tasha's offer." He stated. 

Tears welled in my eyes; I bit my bottom lip and closed my eyes as I nodded. "Okay." I whispered after a moment. "Okay." My heart shattered and my soul split in two. I opened my eyes and looked into his deep chocolate eyes and I took a deep breath.

I leaned up and lightly pressed my lips to his. It was just a feather like touch but I felt everything.

"Thank you," I murmured. "For everything you've done, just everything."

"I'm sorry, but I just don't love you, I never did. You were just a distraction, a good lay. I wanted Tasha, and now I can have her." He stated coldly. His eyes were hooded and he had his mask on, but I saw through it, I saw the pain, the undying love that hope that I would let him go. I nodded as a tear fell from the corner of my eye.

"Then go to her, and _**don't**_ come back." Darkness seeped into my voice helping me play my part in this. He nodded and walked out, walked out of the gym, walked out of my like, walked out of my heart and walked away with my soul.

As soon as I heard the door click I ran, I ran faster than ever into my room with the door locked and was knelt over the toilet in seconds, letting out everything as tears streamed from my eyes.

"He'll be happy, I love him enough to let him go, if he at any point was really truly mine, he'd come back." I whispered silently. I stood up on shaky legs and washed my mouth before collapsing in my bed as tears continued to pour.

It was all a lie, everything he had ever said was a lie, every touch, every laugh, every smile and fight, it was all a lie. The cabin was a lie. An agony that was far worse that my sickness could ever be settled over me, drowning me as I cried, nothing would ever be the same, I wouldn't be the same.

I eventually fell into a deep oblivion of sleep. My dreams were memories, memories of my life, of Dimitri and Lissa, of Mason and Eddie and everything and everyone.

I woke to the sound of a loud and sad howl. A sound that made me spring from my bed and silently creep out of my room and back out into the woods. I let out my whistle and waited, it didn't take long until I heard the distance sound of a pair of paws hitting the ground.

Moments later a wolf, an all black wolf with dark brown eyes stepped out of the shrub and was growling intensely as he stared at me. I put my hands up and slowly backed up. With each step I took backwards he took two forward. Eventually I was up against a tree but the wolf continued to snarl.

He was just about to spring at me when a black and grey blur shot out of near by bushes and in front of me. My wolf stood in front of me, his fur raised, teeth bared and furious growls and snarls coming from his mouth.

The other wolf continued to growl but slowly backed off before shutting up all together and high tailing it out of the clearing. My wolf turned and padded over to my side, nuzzling my side and hip.

I knelt down and wrapped my arms around him, he whined softly in my ear as I remembered Dimitri. I cried, sobs rocking my body and I felt like I couldn't breathe. My heart was being ripped around and crushed, stomped on and shattered, over and over. The pain, that was both physical and mental, I couldn't take it.

I stood up and leaned on a tree behind me. I looked up at the sunny sky as tears rolled down my cheeks.

"WHY?" I screamed to the sky. "What have I ever done that deserved this punishment? Huh! I know I'm no saint but come one! God dammit, just kill me! End my sorry excuse of an existence if it's truly that bad! Come on! KILL ME!" I screamed to nothing, to no one but my empty soul.

My wolf licked my hand, showing me that he was here with me, I knelt back down, scratched between his ears as he let out a purr like sound.

"You saved me tonight," I whispered, he looked up at me and tilted his head. "Would you mind if I named you?" I asked him, he shook his head and sneezed causing me to laugh as I thought. "How about Jericho?" I asked him. "It means the moon, and just cuz I'm me I'll give you and middle name, Jericho…. Ranger?" It came out as a question but he let out a bark and wagged his talk kinda like a down.

I smiled at him and buried my face in his fur.

"Jericho Ranger, so the moon's forest protector, it seems fitting, no?" I spoke softly, lovingly. "I love you Jericho." I said, he licked my cheek and nuzzled my neck and I smiled at his way of responding.

"Thank you," I murmured before I stood up, he looked up at me before turning and trotting out of the clearing as I made my way back to the academy, back to Hell.


	5. Chapter 5

_**No Sympathy for the Strong**_

I barely had to time to register what time it was before I was running to the bathroom, my body heaved painfully as my shoulders shook and sweat poured off of me as pain washed over me. When it was over I fell back against the wall, my breathing heavy and pained.

"What is happening to me?" I asked softly to nothing. Tears pricked at my eyes but I tried to push them back. Taking a deep pained breath I got up and washed my face and applied foundation or to get ride of the paleness and the bags. It worked mostly as I put on my façade and tried to smile. It looked like a grimace, but it would have to do.

I changed into some track pants and tank tops before jogging down the stairs. Through the bond I felt a spike of anger. Without giving much thought to it I started running to where Lissa was. I was suddenly intersected by Simon.

"Go back to your dorm." He said, his voice harsh and cold, it sounded like I did when over whelmed with darkness, but that's impossible Avery specialized in Air from what I had managed to pick from Lissa's mind when ever she wasn't blocking me.

"Look, Guardian Simon, please, get out of my way," I said, trying to be patient, but darkness was slightly starting to surface.

"Go back to your dorm," He repeated. I went to get around him but he grabbed my arm and pushed me back.

"What the hell?" I asked, slightly growling.

"I said, go back to your dorm." He sneered.

"Let me through." I stated.

"Not happening." We were having a stare down until he lunged at me. I dodged easily and half expected his leg to shot out. I took it and twisted his leg, causing him to loose his balance and fall. He shot up and just like that we were engaged in a deadly dance.

After some time I heard the light foot steps of Moroi foot steps. I instantly, stopped fighting, but that was when he tackled me, hitting me right in the stomach, making me lose my breath and pain to spread through me. I was unable to talk the pain was that severe, and if I were to open my mouth I would surely scream.

"What the hell is going on here?" Asked who I presumed was Avery. My head lulled to the side as I realized Lissa was here.

"She attacked me, I had to subdue her." Simon lied, but I couldn't bring myself to argue, I was still in so much pain.

Simon hauled us up, me in front of him, hand held behind my back.

Something in Lissa snapped and suddenly she was in my face, her eyes slightly darkened some liquor in her system.

"First you can't even protect me, then you try to steal my boyfriend and then you attack my friend's Guardian? Who the hell are you and what have you done to my friend, my Rose?" She screamed/cried. Some of her darkness squeezed through the bond and into me and I realized something. Lissa was beyond selfish, she didn't really care for me, and she used me. I was just a guardian.

"Look _**Princess**_, I was on my way to you when Simon stopped me and _he _attacked me. I don't want Christian, so whoever put that bullshit in your head is a fucking dumbass. And lastly, I'm the same, you just changed. You're not the same; I'm the one who should be asking where my friend is." I retorted, pushing back any traces of pain.

"If you're just gunna lie, then you just need to stay away from me. I officially don't want you as my Guardian, if you can't even protect me in the Academy then how the hell will you protect me in the real world?" She said before stomping off. Avery gestured to Simon and he released me before following her.

I managed to stumble to class only to have everyone turn on me. They all sneered and glared but I simply ignored them. That day, practice was hell, they seemed intent on hurting me, more so than learning anything new. But then again, sick or not, I am Rose Hathaway, and I do _**not**_ go down without a fight.

By the end of practice I had broken two noses, gave one concussion, dislocated a shoulder and bruised some ones rib. I was dismissed and sent to my dorm for the rest of the day for being to "rough". With a careless shrug of my shoulders and a swift rolling of my eyes I walked to my dorm, all pain and sickness temporarily forgotten. Now don't get me wrong, with all the damage I handed out I had more than enough bruises to show.

When I reached my room I didn't bother turning on the light on, I just opened the window, let in the moon light, and took off my shirt to inspect any damage. I had a small cut on the left side of my ribs, bruises on my stomach and hips, but nothing to serious. I walked into my bath room and ran some cool water as I striped off the rest of my clothes.

I put in some bubbles before I slowly eased myself into the water. The water helped my bruises as I slowly inhaled and sunk beneath the water.

There was nothing but silence, I closed my eyes and just relished in the peace that over came me. If only I could stay here forever, if only I could just, give up.

When I came out of my watery trance I washed myself before emptying the water and stepping out to dry myself off.

Suddenly I had an idea so I changed into some basketball shorts and a t shirt before throwing a sweat shirt over it and leaving to go find Guardian Lionel. I only had to look in the lobby of the building.

"Guardian Lionel?" I asked, he turned to look at me and he smiled, I smiled back, thankful that he didn't seem to hate me.

"Yes Rosemarie?" He asked.

"Rose, call me Rose," he nodded. "I was wondering if you could do me a favor." I said softly making sure no one was around, he raised an eyebrow.

"And that favor would be?" He probed lightly.

"Could you give me a tattoo? Well technically two, but could you?" I asked, looking up at him hopefully. He looked slightly stunned, but he scanned my face, looking for something, when he seemed to find it he nodded.

"Alright, but you can't tell anyone." He said, looking at me pointedly.

"I have no one to tell." I said sincerely. He nodded as my smile widened, and he smiled in return.

"Alright, then meet me behind the guardian dorms, I'll be able to get you to where my stuff is, it may take a while to get the tattoo done." He warned.

"Okay, thank you so much you have no idea how much this means to me." I said, some what excitedly.

"At dawn, don't be late." He whispered before walking away as I saw the first novice walk into the lobby.

-AT DAWN!-

I meet up with Guardian Lionel and he took me to the place where Dimitri took me after the whole ghost accident. It sent shivers down my spine.

"Okay, so what is it that you want exactly?" He asked as he took out the needless and the ink.

"Between my shoulders blades can you put "No Sympathy For The Strong" and the lower part of my neck can you put "They Came First"." I asked.

"They _came_ first?" He asked. I nodded.

"Yes." I said simply. We talked about what kind of font and type of deal and he printed out what I wanted onto some paper and placed it where I told him. The needle started and I relaxed.

Through the whole process he talked to me softly and we just talked about different things.

"Why did you say yes?" I asked after a long silence.

"Hm?" He muttered focus on my back.

"You could have said no to this, why did you say yes? Not that I'm not grateful but I'm curious." I repeated.

"I don't know. There was just something about the way you asked me, the look on your face, you look so lost, and pained. I couldn't not say yes." He murmured, I looked at him over my shoulder and he lifted the needle from my skin, I smiled, he returned it easily.

"Thank you." I whispered.

"Your welcome." He said.

And I was right, even then, I was right. There is no sympathy for the strong. The strong have to defend themselves. Even then, I should have known.


	6. Chapter 6

_**My Last String of Sanity **_

Practice was absolute hell, every one was pretty much trying to kill my ass but not so lucky for them I whipped their asses every time. Unlucky for me, I always ended up weaker at the end of the day, sweat, heaving, convulsing and in over all pain.

By default that made it nearly impossible for me to go see Jericho. My tattoos have healed and I find comfort in them. I didn't talk to any body and in the mirror I could see my body slowly going paler and I was getting skinner as was my appetite slowly receding to nothing. I often broke out in cold sweats but they were easily covered with regular sweating.

I knew I was getting worse, but I also knew that I'd be able to make it to graduation, no matter what I would walk across that stage. I let out a soft sigh as I walked to my Animal Behavior class.

I found my way to my spot in the far back of the class room and not two minutes later Lissa walked in with Avery at her side. Class started just then, so I zoned out. The next thing I know there's commotion outside, I got a bad feeling and I stood up. Suddenly an ear piercing howl was heard and I started running to the door. Everyone in the room turned to face me as I made my way to the door.

"Ms. Hathaway, please take your seat." The teacher said, I ignored her and ran out. I heard people following me as I began to run faster.

"Some one get the gun, this thing is out of control!" I heard some one yell.

"He's about to attack a Moroi!"

Lissa came out into the commotion and walked into the middle. I heard her cooing softly and was only met with growls. She gasped loudly as I heard a snap of teeth and another round of growls.

As soon as I heard that I set out a loud ear piercing whistle that stopped all commotion and brought the attention off of what ever was causing the drama. Everyone stopped and I heard growling and some panting. The next thing I knew I see it running at me.

"Someone stop it! Hathaway get out the way!" I simply knelt down. Jericho ran straight to me, pressing his muzzle into my neck as I simply ran my fingers through his fur and between his ears. The growls stopped immediately and turned into soft purrs as leaned on me. I simply chuckle and rest my cheek next to his.

"Why must you cause such a ruckus boy? Hm?" I asked him, he tilted his head and let out a bark and I smiled. I stand up to my full height and he stood to his proud 34 inches at my side, yeah my boy was bigger than normal but I loved him none the less. His head leaned on my hip as I scratched his neck.

Lissa stepped out of the crowd and took a step towards us and his hackles immediately went up as he began growling all over again, he took a position in front of me, teeth bared and legs apart. I felt her fear spike and I tried not to chuckle.

I heard someone pull a gun and I immediately looked at them, it was a guardian his gun trained on Jericho, my last strand of sanity. I quickly stepped in his line of shot and glared at him.

"Hathaway get out the way," He said.

"You shot him and I can't be held accountable for my actions," I stated, Jericho's growls intensified.

"He lunges for the princess and I'll shoot both of you," He stated coldly. I felt Jericho's body coil, almost as if it were my own and just as he was about to lunge I spot.

"Jericho." My voice was not harsh but it was soft.

He immediately calmed. He crouched down, in a some what submissive stance. I turned to him and he looked up at me, his tongue lulling out of his mouth, I raised an eyebrow. Kneeling back down he licked my cheek and I smirked.

"Go boy, you need to get out of here, I'll come see you later, promise," I whispered into his ear, he seemed to nod as he stood back up and darted into the woods.

I shook my head and watched the crowd disperse before I too left before I could get questioned. School was long over but I was still getting weird looks from every one, I just ignored them until I felt pain and fear come in through the bond.

Out of instinct I started running to her, it was Jesse and his gang, they were trying to get her to use compulsion yet she refused to. Jesse was about to start using fire on her when I tackled Raulf's ass. I punched his face before lunging for the next one while the others ran. Lissa had Jesse pinned under the weight of her compulsion as she brought out his worst night mares. I felt the darkness' hold on her so I took hold of her shoulders.

She turned her pissed gaze to me and tried to bring me under in compulsion but I simply slapped her.

"Let go of me," She attempted to growl, I let out an annoyed sigh.

"Shut up and just let go of the darkness," I said in a firm tone. Her eyes widened.

"I… I can't… it hurts," She cried as I felt her fight the darkness. I took hold of it mentally and pulled it into myself, she let out a cry of relief while I quickly let go of her before I hurt her. The only bad thing was that now it was in _**me**_. I let out a vicious growl and Jesse paled as I tackled him and started pounding his face. One second I'm pounding him and the next I'm over whelmed with nausea and Mason appeared. Not a minute later the first Strigoi emerged.

Over come with darkness I was barely able to yell at Lissa to get help before I threw myself into the fight.

I knew this could very well be my last day, my last day of pain, suffering, heart ache, and depression yet above it all I knew I'd do it in typical Rose Hathaway style, in battle and not some body penciled in date. I'd do it protecting those who used to be close to my heart and also those who hurt me, but like my tattoo on my neck says, "They Came First" I'm doing this for myself and not for them, I'll give everything I've got to give because that's who I am.


	7. Chapter 7

_**Fight by my Side**_

The Strigoi came at me fast, but with the darkness rage burning my limbs, I was thrown into the fight. Some how I managed to twist it's neck, snapping it. I was being ganged up on by three of them when suddenly there was vicious growling, a sound that I knew any where.

Jericho lunged out of the woods and tackled one of the Strigoi, there was a snap and suddenly I saw it's head roll around looking surprised. I smirked, I knew there was something special about my wolf.

While I fought, as soon as the Strigoi was down Jericho would rip his throat out then snap off the spine, he would then spat until the blood came out of his mouth.

"Shit! I need a stake!" I yelled as I was thrown into a tree. I spat out some blood and I saw Jericho jet to the school while Guardian's were all engaged in a fight. A Strigoi was looming over me, his teeth dangerously close to my throat but I couldn't move, it felt like my body was shutting down. I was coughing up blood and the Strigoi just continued to come and I couldn't fight.

He was suddenly tackled by my ever faithful wolf who had a stake locked in his jaws, he set it in my lap before nudging me up. I stumbled to my feet as I suddenly felt a wave of strength with Jericho at my side.

"Thank you boy," I said not even realizing it as we lunged into another fight. We fought for what felt like hours, just us two with people in the distant background. Finally they stopped coming, finally it was over. I started to shake as I examined my injuries, a few cuts and bruises, nothing that couldn't have been worse.

Still my body shook and quivered as a cold sweat broke out over my body. I silently swore as I pushed myself against a tree to stay up right. My world spun wildly and nausea took me under and I threw up into the bushes next to me.

Jericho's wet nose pressed itself into my neck as he licked my neck as if to get rid of the sweat. I spat out what ever was left in my mouth before I started to walk back to the school. Jericho stayed by my side as I walked to my dorm, guardians were running around and barely noticed him, I let him in my dorm room with a promise to be back soon. I went back down and was immediately stopped by a Guardian who asked me if I was responsible for the kills on the outer side of the wards, I simply nodded as I was taken to talk to Alberta.

By the time it was almost noon it was wide known that I killed the most Strigoi in the battle, I would be receiving a battle star and quite a few monjila marks on my neck, and of course I requested that Lionel do my tattoos. It also came down to the fact that I'd be taking my final exam earlier so that I could graduate early, if only by a few weeks. I agreed.

Time flew, I went back to my loner ways, I got my tattoos done, Jericho practically lived in my dorm except when I was at class then he went and did his own thing in the woods, and what ever was happening to me was steadily getting worse but I fought it as best as I could.

Lissa was getting drunker and crazier with Avery and I was just a silent and ignored bystander. Christian and her broke up but neither parties talk to me, Eddie was getting into fights and Adrian was following Avery around like a lost puppy.

It wasn't for another three weeks, on a Saturday, for me to realize what was happening. I had suddenly been pulled into Lissa's head and saw she was on the edge of her window in the Moroi dorms, Avery probing her to jump.

I actually had to debate with myself for a moment before I took off to help her. I knew that it would only hurt me in the end, but then again, before it was my time to go I could at lease attempt to help her. I ran silently through the grounds and picked the back lock and I jogged up the stairs. Not even wasting time I kicked the door in and Avery snapped to turn and look at me.

Not really thinking I sprung at her and punched her square in the face, something I've wanted to do for a _long_ time now. She let out a cry of pain and I felt Simon's presence coming. The moment he stepped in the room and hit the pressure point in her neck and knocked her out, Simon charged at me and we were immediately thrown into a dangerous dance.

We gave and received some major blows but it wasn't until I broke his nose then hit his head that he hit the floor. Lissa was still frozen on the window seal and I went to go help her right when she slipped. I broke out into my now usual cold sweat and shakes as I lunged over the edge to grab her hand. She held onto me as I tried to pull her over.

I was shaking so hard though, and she was so terrified that I could barely move, she was suddenly very much sober and she was just coming out of all the alcoholic and compulsion haze, realizing everything she's done.

"Rose, Rose, please don't let go," She cried. The shaking continued to worsen I felt something warm coming out of my nose. "What's the matter Rose?" She asked. I started to swear lightly as I started to pull her up and she started screaming for help.

I saw the guardians swarmed into the building and I finally got her back over the edge. She fell and I stumbled backwards into a wall. Lissa was trembling but there was nothing in me to go and make sure she was okay. She reached out to me but I stepped away.

"Rose, I'm so so sorry, I didn't mean it, Oh God," She said trying to walk toward me, I simply started to walk away from her.

"Don't touch me, don't talk to me, no amount of I'm sorry or guilt can make me forget what you've done." I stated coldly walking out as the guardian's burst in.

And just like that, I left her there to be attended to by the Guardians as I walked away, a heavy disgusting feeling in my stomach, I won't be able to forgive them for what they've done. When I needed them, all of them, they left, just like they left me, I'll leave, the only difference is… I'll end up in the grave when it's all done.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Just One Last Night to Say Goodbye**_

The day of my test came and I was ready, I was wearing a sports bra and loose sweat pants, my hair was up in a high ponytail showing off all my tattoos. And I do mean _all _of them, I was beyond proud of them.

My test would take place outside (and at night *human morning*), I'd go through some obstacles, fight a few guardians and then they'd put me in a situation with a Moroi, then I'd be done, I'd be graded and my scores would be announced tonight.

Alberta came up to me and she looked me up and down, my skin had slightly paled and beneath my abs you could just see my ribs, under my eyes were circles that were hidden, my eyes were hollow and void of emotions, set in the perfect guardian mask, and last but not least, I had gotten taller, instead of my old 5"6', I now stood at a proud 5"10'. These sweats used to drag on the floor and now they just hide my toes.

She looked shocked for a moment at my physical changes before she gestured me through the field, showing me in what order I'd have to go. With a nod I waited for the go ahead.

The first thing I had to do was run a mile and jump some hurdles, easy enough. I started running, going faster than ever as I swiftly jumped the hurdles, I ran the mile in just over 2 and a half minutes. Alberta, Stan and the other two judges stood in shock as I launched my self over a small wall, the courses were easy for me and by the time I got to the finish line I was barely tired.

Next was the fighting. Well let's just say that no fight lasted more than a minute. People were watching now with mouths wide open, I simply ignored them as Alberta told me the instructions for this last part and I listened and nodded.

"Alright." I said. All I needed was this last test and I'd be out of this hell hole of memories.

Let's just say that that test was by far the easiest for me, my "charge" was safe and I managed to get all the "Strigoi" down. There was one moment when I was a little… what the hell should I do, but I got through.

People were cheering but everything seemed so distant, my body started shaking and convulsing, sweat broke out in the back of my neck and I felt my nose begin to bleed as an excruciating pain broke out in my skull, I sucked in sharp breath as I tried to walk straight. With a conscious effort I managed to slow the shakes and discreetly whipped my nose while trying to hide it all together.

Alberta looked worried but hid it. She told me to go get freshened up and that I did great. With a weary shake of my head I walked away. I stumbled my way to my dorm and opened the door, Jericho blinked himself awake on the end of my bed as he took in my shaking form. Not seconds later I was hunched over my toilet bowl, the little bit of breakfast I had came out, flushing the toilet I fell back against the wall and just tried to breath. Jericho rested his head on my stomach and just laid there next to me until I got the energy to get up.

I washed my hands, mouth and face, applied a little make up before leafing through my closet and pulled out a just above the knee length black dress that hugged my curves in a none sluttish way, it looked good, it looked like I was about to graduate.

I was messing with my hair when I heard a knock on the door, with a confused glance at Jericho who padded into the bathroom, I opened to the door. There stood a pitiful looking Adrian with red rimmed eyes that looked dead tired.

"Look Rose, about what happened," I didn't need to hear more, I slammed the door in his face. He continued to knock but I locked the door. "Please Rose, I'm sorry, I'm so so beyond sorry. It was compulsion, I swear if I had known what she was doing I would have stopped it, please Rose I'm sorry." His voice came from behind the door, I closed my eyes.

I opened the door after making sure my hair was okay. Adrian looked like shit, there was no cushioning that.

"Adrian, go to hell." I said simply, no emotion in my voice. I let out a quick whistle and Jericho came trotting out and to my side. I left Adrian behind me as I closed the door and made my way down the stairs.

I let Jericho out and he made his way to the woods while I made my way to the guardian's office. I knocked on the door and waited for the soft "come in" before I opened the door, Alberta stood in the center, Stan to her right and two other teachers flanking her.

"Rose, please, sit," Alberta said as I sat down, crossing my ankles. "Well, as soon as we started comparing notes it was evident that you did beyond amazing on this test. You thought your way out a situation where your peers would have been stuck and physically you did… much better than any of us could have thought or imagined. To say the least, you passed with flying colors and we're proud to call you a Guardian."

My face broke out in a smile before I stood up.

"Lionel will do your tattoos tomorrow and you will officially be known as Guardian Rosemarie Hathaway." She finished.

"Thank you so much, there's no amount of words I can say to express that." I said with a slight bow of my head, I shook their hands before they all left.

"Rose, follow me." Alberta said with a nod of her head, I followed her as she explained some things. "For now you'll be a guardian of Saint Vlad's," I nodded. "We might have you help with the last bits of fighting training but besides that no teaching. You'll of course be moved out of the student dorms and into the Guardian dorms." I nodded and she led me to a small storage room.

She pulled out two stakes and cases, and a gun. She hands them to me and I take the, gladly. She then leads my to the main office and I'm handed a small ring of keys. All of them were marked to what door they unlock.

"Uniforms will be sent to your room in a couple of days and you'll receive your schedule tomorrow as well as a cell phone and walkie talkie. You'll also get a small book on what to do in certain situations and how to handle them."

"Alright, oh.. Guardian Petrov,"

"Call me Alberta," I nodded.

" Alberta, I was wondering, in a way to say goodbye to my days as a student could I go in to town and spend the night out there?" I asked. She seemed to think about it before nodding.

"Yes you can, you won't start until Monday so no problem, so long as you don't get in trouble." I smiled my first genuine smile in months as I tried not to bounce.

"Thank you! I'll be off then!" I said excitedly as I started running across campus. I made my way up the stairs and into my room. I picked up a small duffel bag and started packing some clothes.

I packed clothes for tonight, pajamas, and tomorrows clothes, I also packed toiletries and stuff I'd need. I changed into a pair of jeans and a fitted top, pulled my hair up and slung the bag over my shoulder. I grabbed my wallet before I walked out of the room and locked my door.

My thoughts were spinning, I suppose I was still in shock, I would be an official Guardian tomorrow. Almost all my life I wanted to be Lissa's guardian, but now, not only was she no longer part of my life, I was sick to the point that I might just die before I had the chance.

With I shake of my head I heard someone calling my name. I turned on instinct but regretted it, behind me stood Eddie, his eyes were wet and his breathing ragged.

"Rose, please, listen to me, I'm sorry, so so sorry about what I said." He said, I shook my head, turned away and walked to the garage. The guardian there let me through and handed me the keys to the car I'd be using. I smiled my thanks before I walked to the car, it was the only sporty one there, a midnight black mustang. I opened it up and toss my bag in the back and got in the front seat and started the car.

It purred to life as I pulled out of the garage, Eddie stood there and watched me drive to the gates. I'm let out and I haul ass to town.

_Time Skip_

I had checked into a hotel and changed into a nice black dress that was halter top and had a low back and ended mid tigh, I put on a pair of heels and fixed my hair and make up before walking a block to the club. I didn't even get carded as I walked right in and to the bar.

I ordered a drink and was just watching people grinding on the dance floor, I shook my head and smirked. A cute guy with blonde hair came up to me and asked me to dance, I smiled at him giving him my "man eaters" smile while taking his hand.

He led me to the floor and we were immediately dancing, we weren't grinding but we were really close and it was the most fun I've had in ages. We joked and laughed, talked about meaningless things, we got along pretty well. We sang to songs we knew, danced closer on the ones we didn't, over all, if he were a Moroi or Guardian I would have gone out with him. I found out his name was Daniel and I told him my name was Marie.

He led me to the bar and bought me a drink, I was laughing at something he said when I heard a high pitched laugh on the other side of the bar. There stood Tasha and Dimitri, neither of them saw me so I turned my attention back to Daniel.

"What are you think about so intensely?" He asked. I smirked at him deviously.

"I'm debating on whether I should use you for sex or not." I said as we walked back to the floor.

"Hmm, that wouldn't be so bad, now would it?" he asked teasingly. I rolled my eyes as we began dancing again.

"I'm starting my job tomorrow and I won't have free time, tonight's my last night, so I just want to have fun." I said easily. He smiled at me.

"Well then I take it upon myself to make sure you have a fun last night." He stated, gallantly bowing before he smiled.

I felt eyes on my back and I turned to see Dimitri staring at me, more importantly my tattoos especially the one on my neck. "They Came First," I meet his eye, smirked and flipped him the bird. Tonight was my last night as Rose Hathaway, as of tomorrow I'd be Guardian Hathaway. I'd no longer be the girl who got her heart broken by all those close to her, I'd be the Guardian who stood up for herself until the day I was put in the ground. Tonight is my last night to say goodbye.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Welcome Guardian Hathaway**_

My hips were met with his and we swayed back and forth, practically ignoring the music. My head was split in to in a debate, I really did like him and the thought of bringing him back to the hotel room for the night was beyond tempting but then again, I'm gunna be a guardian… I can't be irresponsible, but god I wanted to, so so bad.

Our legs were entangled as we rocked to the rhythm, we were pressed together but we talked into each other's ear.

"Hey, I'm gunna get something to drink," I said. He nodded.

"Alright, I have to use the Jon anyway," I walked to the bar and ordered a Rum and Coke.

"Oh my goodness, Rose, is that you?" I stiffened, the bartender brought my drink, I paid him and turned around.

"Tasha, hey," I said over the music. She pulled me into a hug, I hesitated before patting her back awkwardly.

"I haven't seen you in forever, if anything you're even more gorgeous, what are you doing out tonight? How are Lissa and Christian?" She asked.

"Thank you, I'm out to celebrate and last I checked they broke up that's about all I know." I said with a shrug.

"Oh my, what happened?" She asked. I shrugged.

"I don't know," She opened her mouth when suddenly I looked up and saw Dimitri; he was staring at me, a small pucker between in eye brows as he concentrated.

I sipped my drink, letting the liquor settle.

"Marie," Daniel called as he walked to me. I smirked at him and he smiled back. "So, who is this?" He asked.

"This," I gestured to Tasha. "Is my ex best friend's ex boyfriend's aunt, Tasha," I said before I gestured to Dimitri. "And he is my old mentor." I stated, sounding emotionless. He raised his eye brow. "It's complicated."

"Well it's nice to meet you two, but she owes me one last dance then I have to show one her last good night," He said, my guardian mask raised up immediately as they both stared at me. He took my hand as I drained my drink and set it on the bar before letting him drag me off.

He spun me in a circle and I turned slowly before he pulled me into his chest, my back to him. I rocked my hips to the song as we sunk down. The song wasn't slow but wasn't fast so just found our own and just dance and did crazy things. When the song was over he led me outside and into the warm air. Our arms were looped together as he led me to a Denny's that was open.

We were seated and we got into conversation, we ordered food and by time we finished almost two hours had passed it was almost 3 in the morning.

"Aren't you tired?" I asked as he casually wrapped an arm around my waist.

"Not really," he said. I smiled as he tried to hide a yawn.

"Liar," I teased. He chuckled.

"Okay, so maybe I am a little, what about you?" He asked.

"Nope, I'm fine," I stated, laughing at his expression.

"I want to see you again," He said, turning me around to see him. He cradled my face and pressed his lips to mine. There was no spark or shock it didn't make me weak to the knees, it was comforting, it was real. I pulled away from him and I lowered my eyes.

"I can't," I said softly.

"Why not?" He asked.

"My job is very… demanding, the chances of us meeting again is very little to none, I'm sorry." I looked at him from under my eye lashes as he met my eyes.

"Then the next time I see you, we'll go out to dinner," he said. "Okay?"

"I…," He pressed his finger to my lips, cutting me off.

"Just say okay," He whispered. A small smile spread over my lips.

"Okay," I murmured. We began walking again and we stopped outside my hotel. "Well this is me," I said.

"Until we see each other again," He said, kissing me lightly.

"Until we see each other again," I said, he smiled at me before jogging back from where we came. I walked into the hotel and up to my room. I dropped onto my bed and just stared out the window. Tonight had to have been the best night I've had in a long time.

I got up washed my face, changed my clothes and crashed on the bed. That night for the first time in what felt like an eternity I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

I woke up to the sun shining in my face, and feeling warm and content, not sickness, nothing just absolute peace. I got up and showered before changing clothes; I packed my clothes back up and went down stairs to check out. I drove to the mall and got some stuff, including a necklace that I got engraved to say "Until I See You Again," I loved it.

On my way back to the academy I stopped and got some McDonald's before I started hauling ass. I blasted music on the stereo smiled and laughed the whole hour and a half drive. When I made the turn into the woods before the academy I lowered the music to back ground noise as I pulled up. I smiled at the guard as he checked the car and let me in.

I swung my bag onto my shoulder as I handed my guys to the Guardian, I walked to Alberta's office, I tapped on the door, she told me to come in. I bowed my head slightly.

"I'm back, the car's in the garage and I'm gunna go meet Lionel now," I stated.

"Alright Guardian Hathaway, come back here when you're done." I bowed my head before leaving. I immediately found Lionel and he led me to where he did my first tattoos. I smiled as I sat in the chair.

"So, Hathaway, how was your night away from here?" He asked as he began the tattoo.

"Amazing, I haven't had that much fun in an eternity," I stated with a smile.

"What did you do?"

"I went clubbing, met a guy named Daniel, he took me out for breakfast, then he took me back to my hotel," I said.

"That's it?" I could hear the slight doubt in his voice.

"Nothing happened, he just kissed me, nothing major, said he wants to see me again but I said I couldn't. He made my night, he was sweet and funny, I needed that after the past couple of nights." A smile made it's way to my face. Lionel chuckled.

"Well, I'm glad you had a good time. And… you're all set, you know how to take care of it." He said as we stood, I hadn't even noticed how much time passed.

"Thanks Lionel," I said as I picked up my bag again. He nodded in return as I left and went to my dorm to put my stuff away. I left after closing my door and walked to her(Alberta's) office.

She told me to come in, I walked in and she was sitting behind her desk, she looked me in the eye and smiled.

"Now all you have to do is take the oath." She stated, standing up.

"I, Rosemarie Hathaway, do so swear to lay my life for that of the Moroi. I will protect them and guard them with every fiber in my being. I will put their life before my own and I will do as told as a Guardian. They come first." I state. She nods.

"Welcome Guardian Hathaway," She says. She shakes my hand and into a hug. "Congratulations Rose," she whispers in my ear.

I smile at her as she hands my badge and other little things including my manual on what to do. With a smile I looked over my schedule, I would be guarding Lissa's first period, then I'd be helping plan attacking the student who were still doing their field testing.

When I walked outside I took in a deep breath. The Rose that everyone knew was gone, and in her place I stood, prouder and stronger. With a choked chuckle I realized that deep inside I was going to get worse, but for now I felt invincible, this is the first day that I haven't felt the slightest bit sick. Gone was the weakling who was in pain and now here I stood. Goodbye Rose and welcome Guardian Hathaway.


	10. Chapter 10

_**All I Will Leave Behind**_

Currently, I was packing up my room, the little belongings I had were in boxes waiting to be taken to my new apartment/dorm room. I was wearing my black uniform pants with my button up, the top two buttons undone, and my hair was swept into a high pony tail. I needed to head to the guardian dorms and get my key and room number before I can even start to move my stuff.

With a sigh I started picking up my pictures; I sat on my bed as I just looked through them. There was the picture of Lissa and I dressed up as Pixies for Halloween. We looked so happy, so full of life and young. I quickly flipped to the next picture before I could really start reliving my relationship with Lissa. The next picture was when we got back to the academy, it was right after the lust charm, I had a smile on my face, I looked good and my eyes piercing, full of happiness, well hidden love and hope. Dimitri stood at my side, a small smirk on his face, his hair out of it's ponytail, his eyes slightly hooded and I could see the barely there love as he looked at the camera.

I closed my eyes, flipped the pictures over and leaned back slightly. I took in a deep breath before letting it out; I decided to go get my dorm key after I pulled on the black sweater/shirt thing.

As of the past couple of day, I've been get a lot of pain, head aches being the main thing. I was getting weaker, more tired, I felt useless when I tried to train and I was out of breath. Yet, me being me I ignored it, even when I got nose bleeds. I would officially start working tomorrow and I had red the manual that I had to in order to properly take care of certain situations. It was over all boring.

I walked outside and to the Guardian building, I talked to the Guardian behind the desk for a moment before he gave me my key and room number, I took it with a nod of my head and went up stairs.

"24, 24 where is room 2…," I was cut off when I looked up and saw the room number. I unlocked the door and walked in. It wasn't huge but it was comfy and homey, you walked right into the living room, to the right was a small kitchen, to the right was a small hall where the bed room and bathroom was, that's it. It's perfect.

'Alright, now it's just getting my stuff back here,' I thought as I began to walk back out the door. As I opened the door I froze, my room was right in front of Dimitri's old one. The very same room of the lust charm. Memories rushed forward as I tried to shake them out of my head. With a shuttered breath I ran down the stairs and out of there.

I went to the cafeteria and picked up a doughnut, while it probably wasn't my best idea, I was craving one. I took a bite and chewed in, not liking the taste I threw it out.

"Guardian Hathaway!" Guardian Garcia called as he jogged in my direction. I looked at him.

"Yes Guardian Garcia?" I asked.

"You're needed in the main hall, Guardian Petrov wants you to do this test." He said, I nodded.

"Thank you," I said before I headed off for the main hall. I spotted Alberta in the shadows, I slipped next to her and she made a hand motion to Eddie and Lissa, I nodded as I saw Stan behind a near by tree. He looked over at me and nodded, I nodded in return.

He slipped out first, he would distract Eddie while I came up behind to "kill" the Princess. Eddie saw Stan almost instantly, but he didn't notice me until I was about two feet from the Princess. His eyes widened as he saw who I was, I smirked evilly as I glided forward. He lunged at me, forgetting about Stan as he tried to put distance between me and the princess.

With him between the two of us he slid into a defensive stance. I tilted my head to the side, almost wolf like; I've seen Jericho do it on occasion, as I watched Eddie. He seemed unnerved by this, Stan circled the duo and Eddie positioned the princess behind him. As he watched Stan I sprung, tackling his side easily as the princess let out a small scream.

A crowd was circling around us as he tried to kick me off, but I was straddling him, he head butted me and I let him as I "fell" off him and Stan sprung in. Within a few seconds Stan was staked and I was advancing on the princess as she started walking in the opposite direction. I knew Eddie was gunna go for a kick in the back of the knees so I spun around and caught his leg just in time. I twisted it and he hit the ground, he was slightly shocked as I got behind Lissa in two seconds and had her neck in my hands.

"Dead." I stated boredly. Stan stood there with his eyes wide. I walked over to him and Guardian Yuri who was watching with a slightly opened mouth. "He did good, give him a good grade," I said in her ear. She nodded slightly as I walked back to Alberta. I felt the blood seep from my nose but I paid it no mind.

"Good job," She said as I reached her side.

"Thanks, he fights good, I told Yuri to give him a good grade." I stated. She nodded in acknowledge.

"You did graduate early for a reason," She reasoned, I nodded my head.

"Exactly," I whispered as I whipped my nose. "So, don't let this effect his grade." She nodded as I began to walk away.

In silence, I picked up the two boxes that contained all my stuff, the little that I actually owned. I looked around my room for the last time before I locked the door and turned in the key. I balanced the boxes as I walked, letting my thoughts wonder as I made my short journey. I thought about Daniel, I thought about Eddie and Lissa, I thought about Tasha and Dimitri and just everything in the past few months. I thought of the pain that now fueled me. I thought of Lissa and her pleading eyes and continuous sent apologizes through the bond, the insistent pleas for my forgiveness and how much she loved me. It was killing me slowly, reminding of everything that I'd be leaving behind.

In my apartment, Jericho was curled up on the couch, his body taking up two cushions, and deep set exhaustion crept up on me as I started to silently walk to the bed room. My arms encircled my stomach as the pain grew. Taking off my uniform I tossed it on the chair in my room before I crawled into the bed. Jericho came not seconds later, jumping up and curling up at my side, falling asleep. I rolled my eyes before closing my eyes. When I leave here, I'll be leaving behind everything and nothing all at once, all of it "d leave behind.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Send Me An Angel **_

Weeks have passed in a pained blur. Dimitri and Tasha have been staying at the academy to see Christian graduate. It was hard the gang was trying to apologize, but I kept swatting them off. The pain that was now always present was getting worse and worse by the day and Lissa's darkness was only adding to it. Every day, I saw her and everyday she would plead for my forgiveness, and still every day, I ignored her.

I still planned the attacks and fought the students, but Alberta started putting me more on the planning seeing as I always took out the "Guardians". Dimitri and I had yet to talk but I could see him watching me, whether it be from across the lunch room, the conference room or the gym, he watched me. I knew he knew something was wrong, and it was only a matter of time before he confronted me but for now, tomorrow is graduation and tonight was this whole karaoke thing and Alberta insisted that I have the night off using the excuse "You may be a guardian but you're still young,"

So with a dragged out sigh, I would end up going to the party. I pulled on a pair of black skinny jeans that hugged my hips with an off the shoulder black top what hung just right and my hair was down in its natural waves. I did my make up to get rid of any paleness and sleep from my face, put on some mascara, eye liner and lip gloss before pulling on my three and a half inch heels that went up to my knee. When I was good with my appearance I headed out, I just took my time taking deep breaths, putting everything on the back burner.

I walked into the transformed gym with no surprise as I drifted to a corner. And like always Lissa looked over and immediately found me, her eyes saddened for a moment before I felt her get an idea as she walked up to the "stage". She murmured the song she was gunna sing and then the beat began to play. I recognized the song immediately.

"_You took my hand  
You showed me how  
You promised me you'd be around  
Uh huh _She was talking about my promise to be her Guardian._  
That's right  
I took your words  
And I believed  
In everything  
You said to me  
Yeah huh  
That's right_ I wanted to growl at that, she turned on me, not the other way around. __

If someone said three years from now  
You'd be long gone  
I'd stand up and punch them out  
Cause they're all wrong  
I know better  
Cause you said forever That I did, but time changes people. _  
And ever  
Who knew_

Remember when we were such fools  
And so convinced and just too cool Before we left the academy and when we got back. _  
Oh no  
No no  
I wish I could touch you again  
I wish I could still call you friend  
I'd give anything _I bet she would, now that she's out from the compulsion. __

When someone said count your blessings now  
'fore they're long gone And I am long gone. _  
I guess I just didn't know how  
I was all wrong  
They knew better _They all thought I'd be a blood whore. _  
Still you said forever  
And ever  
Who knew_

Yeah yeah  
I'll keep you locked in my head  
Until we meet again  
Until we  
Until we meet again  
And I won't forget you my friend  
What happened

If someone said three years from now  
You'd be long gone  
I'd stand up and punch them out  
Cause they're all wrong and  
That last kiss When I had kissed her cheek before all of this to say I was here for her. _  
I'll cherish  
Until we meet again  
And time makes  
It harder  
I wish I could remember  
But I keep  
Your memory  
You visit me in my sleep  
My darling  
Who knew  
My darling _Her pretend nick name for when we had been joking around. _  
My darling  
Who knew  
My darling  
I miss you  
My darling  
Who knew  
Who knew" _She sang and the whole time meet my eyes, or tried to anyway. 

" Who Knew By P!nk"

"I'm sorry," She whispers into the microphone. "I'm so sorry about everything, I wish I could change it, I love you and I just wish you could forgive me." Tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes. I closed my eyes and opened them back to see Adrian stepping onto the Stage.

"Spending all my nights

All my money going out on the town

Doing anything just to get you off of my mind

But when the morning comes

I'm right back where I started again

Trying to forget you is just a waste of time

Baby come back, any kind of fool could see

There was something in everything about you

Baby come back, you can blame it all on me

I was wrong, and I just can't live without you

All day long, wearing a mask of false bravado

Trying to keep up the smile that hides a tear

But as the sun goes down

I get that empty feeling again

How I wish to God that you were here

Baby come back, any kind of fool could see

There was something in everything about you

Baby come back, you can blame it all on me

I was wrong, and I just can't live without you

Now that I put it all together

Give me the chance to make you see

Have you used up all the love in your heart

Nothing left for me

Ain't there nothing left for me

Baby come back, any kind of fool could see

There was something in everything about you

Baby come back, listen, you can blame it all on me

I was wrong, and I just can't live without you

I was wrong, and I just can't live"

"Baby Come Back By Player

I rolled my eyes.

"Little D, I know what I did and what I said was wrong, but please, even if I have to beg at your feet, forgive me." He said, his eyes were red and I looked away defiantly.

A couple of people went up and sang like tone deaf cats until finally I sighed looked up at Alberta who nodded to the open Mic, I bit my lips before I made my way to the stage. I whispered my song and walked up to the mic.

"Ya know, these past few months have been hell for me. I've been through _**a lot**_, it's crazy but you know what, it made me stronger. This song's for you." I murmured making eye contact with Lissa, Adrian, Eddie, and most importantly, Dimitri, who had arrived two days after my first day as a guardian.

"It's been five months since you went away  
You left without a word and nothing to say  
When I was the one who gave you my heart and soul  
But it wasn't good enough for you, no  
So I asked God

God send me an angel  
From the heavens above  
Send me an angel to heal my broken heart  
From being in love  
'Cause all I do is cry  
God send me an angel  
To wipe the tears from my eyes

And I know it might sound crazy  
But after all that I still love you  
You wanna come back in my life  
But now there is something I have to do  
I have to tell the one that I once adored  
That they can't have my love no more  
Cause my heart can't take no more lies  
And my eyes are all out of cries  
So, God

God send me an angel  
From the heavens above  
Send me an angel to heal my broken heart  
From being in love  
'Cause all I do is cry  
God send me an angel  
To wipe the tears from my eyes

Now you had me on my knees  
Begging God please to send you back to me  
I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep  
You made me feel like I could not breathe  
See all I wanted to do was to feel your touch  
And try to forget with all of my love (I know, I changed the lyrics)  
But you took my love for granted  
Want my lovin' now  
But you can't have it  
So, God

God send me an angel  
From the heavens above  
Send me an angel to heal my broken heart  
From being in love  
'Cause all I do is cry  
God send me an angel  
To wipe the tears from my eyes

Oh God, send me (God send me an angel)  
An angel (wipe the tears from my eyes) Oh baby  
Send me an angel from the heavens above  
Send me an angel (God send me an angel)  
From being in love (send me an angel)  
Oh God, send me an angel  
Send me an angel (send me an angel)  
Ooohhhh.."

I made eye contact with them through out the whole song, Lissa was crying, Eddie was wearing a mask, Adrian was downing more booze, and Dimitri though he tried, I could see the hurt and sadness in his eyes.

"Even after all you put me through, I still love you, but I can't forgive what you've done. There is no sympathy for the strong, and I've accepted that. You are my past and it's time to move on." I say before I throw on my Guardian mask and walk off the stage and out the door.

I was half way back to the Guardian dorms when I heard some one run up behind me.

"Guardian Hathaway," A deep, smooth Russia accented voice whispered. I turned and was immediately meet by warm and soft lips. My eyes widened in surprise, I wanted to fight, truly I wanted to, but it all went out of my head as I melted into him.

It took me a moment to register what was happening, and when I did, I pulled away, my lips burning from the kiss. I felt the buzz and the world around me was light, and I felt the tears in my eyes at the thought that I'd never have that again.

"Don't do that again." I said, my voice monotone. For the first time, I looked up and met his eyes, those deep brown eyes that reminded me of everything I'd be leaving behind. I looked away sharply before trying to walk away. I made not even a step when he grabbed my wrists and pulled me back to him.

"Roza, please, look at me." He whispered.

"Please, don't," I whimpered out, trying not to look at him. "Just please, it's gunna make everything so much harder." I whispered, in other words I said "Please leave it alone, if you don't it's gunna make it harder to give up." Was my silent implication that he'd never get.

"Roza, know that no matter what, even if you don't forgive me for leaving, know that I'm sorry and that I love you. I love you and only you, it could never be a mistake. I don't want a family if it isn't with you, and I know, I always did know that Adrian wouldn't give up but I also knew he wouldn't succeed. I love you, Roza and no words could express how sorry I am." He murmured before placing a light kiss on my lips before he let me go.

I closed my eyes and ran, tears welled in my eyes and began to spill over. I ran straight to my room, slammed my door and bolted for the toilet. Jericho was at my side pushing my hair out of my face with his muzzle, but even he couldn't bring me comfort. I feel back against the wall, my breathing was uneven and my heart was racing, one moment I was watching the wall of my bathroom and the next I was surrounded in black with these last thoughts on my mind. My time was soon and as much pain as I've gone through, I hope I never forget them, even in death. God send me an angel to help me through my last days of hell and please, keep the ones I love safe.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Goodbye**_

I listened to the water run down sink, my breath was beyond ragged, and I was heaving to take in air. Water clung to my face as it slid down my pale skin. I heaved out a sigh before drying my face and applying my makeup. My whole body ached and it was to the point I barely made it off my bed. I tied my hair up and pulled on my outfit before I took a look around the room to make sure nothing was left out.

I cocked my head to the side as I took a seat in front of my desk and wrote seven letters, one for everyone, even Mia and Alberta. I placed them all in separate envelopes, put everyone's name on them and placed the in the desk's draw before I forced myself up and to the door.

Peeking into the hallway, I let Jericho out as he pranced in front of me as we took the back stairs.

It's been a week since I passed out in the bathroom and I've only gotten worse from then on. Everything hurt every step I took shot pains straight up, every breath I took sent pain radiating over my chest. Not even Jericho could bring me peace, while I loved him with everything that I still possessed; I knew I'd be leaving him soon. Jericho seemingly reluctantly walked in the opposite direction from me as I continued my pained stride to the auditorium. The moon was full and out, and I just had to admire it for a moment before I walked inside.

I took my spot next to Alberta, ignoring them as they called names, I barely caught sight of Alberta's subtle sign for me to make my speech. I let out a dragged out and pain filled sign, making no real attempt to hide it.

"You know," I start with a painful chuckle. "I remember when I ran away with the princess two years ago…, I thought that I had everything I needed in order to protect her like any guardian should…," I stopped to collect my thoughts. "Boy was I wrong," a mass chuckle. " I came back here, well I was forced back here but you know what, I'm glad I was. Here I realized how different our life is. As a dhampir I grew up with the saying 'They come first' drilled into my head. For us Novies and Guardians, that's our lives, Moroi are our lives and we have no choice, but in the past five months.. I realized how much I valued my life. How much I had loved my friends, my future charge, how easily I would have and probably still would give my life for her. You all, you're now gunna realize how different it is here in the academy than it is in the real world. Where you realize just how painful it is to leave your friends, god forbid, lose your charge, and maybe lose your life out there. Reality is rough…, so cherish tonight, cause you won't realize how much you missed until its gone, don't let it slip away. You've trained your whole life for this… just hope that you'll be luck enough to keep it. Be strong, and stay smart, don't hesitate. Learn what you can, get ahead by looking, good luck with your lives." I say, I close my eyes, I was rambling… it was spirit I suppose… I didn't particularly like my words of choice but they're out there and there's no taking it back.

Alberta placed a hand on my back as I looked to the back of the room.

"Don't give up like I did." I whisper before I turn and take my spot once again.

Hours rolled by and the next thing I know, everybody is running to go party and celebrate. I walked to the place where all my favorite memories were, even the ones I'd rather forget… but it was my last chance to say goodbye. I was in the gym when I heard the door open, I turned and saw Dimitri there. I was suddenly so dizzy, and tired and in so much pain… and I knew… I knew that tonight was my last night. My throat constricted painfully at the thought… to know that I'd never see them again.

"Roza," My name flowed off his tongue with such ease and it wrapped around me. I barely managed to hold back my tears.

"Dimitri," I whispered. I lunged at him and he caught me around the waist. I kissed him, I kissed him goodbye, I tried to tell him everything in one kiss, that I loved him… that this was goodbye. I pulled away from his mouth, met his wide eyes, I pressed my lips to his cheek. "Know that no matter what I love you, no matter what happens or what we've done. I love you." I whispered in his ear. I didn't want to die, not when I still had Dimitri, I was terrified of death, but I had to accept it.

"I love you too, so much." He hugged me to his chest, I melted for a moment.

"I have to go," I murmured. I kissed him once more before I slipped out of his embrace as I disappeared, through the bond I found Lissa passed out some where. I found her easily, barely managed to pick her up and took her to her room before I changed her clothes and tucked her in. I sat there for a moment before I leaned over, kissed her forehead and whispered. "You're my sister, I'm just sorry I let you near Avery, I love you." I whispered in her ear.

The pain I had put on hold all unleashed itself on me as I stood outside, I stared at my last dawn. My world span as I made my way to the last place I wanted to remember, the cabin. I walked inside and started a fire, meanwhile I heard Jericho outside, I had left the door cracked and it opened to reveal my wolf. His blue eyes glowing as he stared at me. My eyes watered as I sat on the bed and he leapt up next to me.

"I love you Jericho, I love you so much and you have no idea how grateful I am to have had you." I whispered as I nuzzled him. He licked me and I let out my hair as the black spots appeared in my vision. A couple of tears escaped my eyes as I laid back and got comfortable. I just went through all my memories all my thoughts.

I closed my eyes as the ceiling above me began to blur. I felt the coldness of death seep in as Jericho curled up at my side his head on my stomach, my hand laced in his fur. My hand stilled and suddenly I started to fall. The last thing I heard was an ear splitting howl that was so heart breaking and sad that my heart broke. The last thing I thought was 'I love you all, I'm sorry but goodbye.'

My world faded to black and I felt like I fell into the deepest and darkest oblivion and the last image I had was Dimitri and the gang… then it was all gone.


	13. Chapter 13

_**I Just Can't Love You Back **_

Dimitri's POV

A loud howling woke me from my bed, it was so loud and sounded so pain filled and sad that it shook me to my core. As soon as I shot up from the bed, a feeling of absolute longing and anxiety slammed into me, making me feel like a part of me was missing. I ended up pacing in my room, wandering what made me feel like this.

I started thinking about that howl, and that got me thinking about what Stan had told me about when I left. How some rouge wolf had gotten on campus and made people freak out because of its growling, but out of no where Rose came running outside and it ran to her and actually cuddled her. I wonder if it was the same wolf but shook my head from the impossibility of that happening.

In an attempt to wash away my feelings I stepped into the shower and just stayed under the water. The water rushed onto my skin but my feelings only amplified. With a sigh of frustration I got out of the water and put on my uniform so I could go walk the perimeter.

I was in some sort of a daze and wasn't paying attention to my surroundings until I felt like some one was gripped my heart in a clenched fist. My hand went up to my chest as I finally looked up to see the cabin in front of me. I raised an eyebrow as I saw a glow coming out from the window. My heart started pounding in my chest as I got closer, I gently pushed open the cracked door, taking in the details of the burning fire and the sneakers pulled off next to the bed.

On the bed laid my heart, her hair fanned around her, eyes closed and one hand on her stomach on what looked fur. Upon closer expectation I saw that what was curled up beside my Roza was a wolf, a gorgeous wolf whose now relaxed body looked fierce and built. I looked at my Roza but realized something was wrong. Her face was pale, way to pale under her tan and she was still, oh so still, inhumanly so.

"Roza," I whispered. I raised an eyebrow and sat next to her and placed my hand on her cheek. Her skin was so cold and I immediately stood up and started to shake her. "Roza, wake up, come on love, wake up, get up! ROSE!" I all but yelled as I shook her. She didn't respond, she didn't even move. My breath was suddenly coming out in labored pants and my heart hammered as I felt my world start to shatter. She had no pulse. SHE HAD NO PULSE! Even the wolf next to her, seemed to be to stiff and I realized that not even the wolf was breathing. I realized that this wolf is what woke me up but my attention returned to Rose, my Roza.

My hands shook as I reached out and touched her silky hair, I leaned over, resting both hands on her face before I pressed my lips to hers. They were cold but I lingered before it sunk in that my soul mate, the love of my life, my Roza was gone. I began to tremble as I stood up.

All I could hear was her voice from the gym, her saying that she loved me replayed over and over, in a never ending cycle. I couldn't breath, this seemed impossible. In my shock I stumbled back, into the wall, collapsing back wards. I picked up my phone and pressed the speed dial.

"Petrov," I heard Alberta answered. When I didn't answer I heard her speak again. "Dimitri, I know you're there, what's the matter?" She asked, sounding a little alarmed.

"Ro… Rose… she… she, oh my god, she's dead, Alberta, she's dead." I choked out, I heard her gasp and start shouting commands before I heard her labored breathing on the phone.

"Where?" She whispered.

"One of the old guardian watch cabins." I stated before I heard the dial tone.

I became absolutely numb as Guardian's flooded into the cabin, taking pictures and checking her pulse. Alberta came up to me and some how got me to stand up before she sent me back to my room. She pulled me into a hug so tight as I tried to hide the sobs that wanted to escape from me. She led me away, we were still in the woods and well covered when we stopped.

"I know, Dimitri, I knew all along, and I was so happy for you two, I'm so sorry." She whispered as the first of my tears fell free from my eyes. A sob shook my huge frame and my legs gave out causing both of us to fall to our knees. I couldn't speak but the tears kept coming and sobs forced their way from my throat.

After that, I blanked out. Nothing else mattered, nothing else even registered. I remember a lot of tears, sobbing and talking. The next thing I know I'm standing on a podium wearing an all black suit.

"Rose was… there is no word that can properly describe her. She was everything, she was protective, strong and so so so hard headed. She was caring of those who she held close. I fell in love with her. Rose was so different than every one else, she tried her hardest with everything and she gave it all. I'm so proud of her and the achievements she made in her time while I was gone, I loved her, everything about her. I loved her from the day I saw her in Portland but I couldn't properly show her. I love her so much, but I can't love her back."

My voice broke as I looked at my love laying in the casket. Her lips we painted red and eye liner on her eyes, but she looked so different. I almost expected her to jump up from the coffin and say boo before she started laughing and coming up to me and kissing me like she used to. I closed my eyes and saw her beautiful brown orbs looking back at me.

I went through my last memory of her and really looked into her eyes and saw the sadness, love and the acceptance in her eyes made me realize that she knew. She _knew_ she was going to die but she didn't say anything.

Some more words were said and the next thing I know I'm helping care the closed coffin to where she would be buried. The ground was dug wider to place another smaller coffin that held the wolf that had been with her. Before they put the coffin down I place a bouquet of red roses with a white plastic one in the center. I place on top before I whispered my last words.

"I'll love you until the last rose dies."

It wasn't until long after she was covered that I stood in front of her grave. I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned for it to reveal Alberta, she was holding a white envelope with my name written on it in Rose's hand writing.

"This was in her room for you," She whispered before handing it to me and walking away. I looked at it for a moment before I opened it and started to read.

'Hey Comrade,

There's some stuff you should know. I'm sick. It started around the time the new kids came, at first it was just throwing up but then as Avery started turning every one against me via compulsion it got worse and worse. They all hated me, said cruel things that hurt me, and eventually you left, but I still loved you. I always will. But anyway, to the point, it got worse, weakness, shakes, nose bleeds, cold sweat, it wasn't fun. I still trained and studied and eventually I graduated early, I saw you that night, I had just wanted to have fun, just once. Now, I'm sure it's reached its peak, it hurts and Jericho is the only thing keeping me sane.

Comrade, if you're reading this, then it means that I'm gone, and I hope I made up with you before hand. You have to know that I love you Dimitri, even when you left, I tried to forget but I couldn't, you're it for me comrade, and maybe it didn't work out in this life but maybe in the next life or the place after here, but know that I'll wait for you. I know you love me, and that has made such a difference, if it weren't for you I'd probably be in a commune or still of the run. So thank you, thank you for everything.

Thank you for being my mentor, my friend, my confidant and my lover. Thank you for helping me with the darkness and for listening, and for showing me what true love is. Thank for making me blush and giggle and for pushing me to my limits in training. Because of you I am the way I am today and I will forever be thankful.

I want you to be happy, so please please, be happy. Have kids and laugh and smile please don't linger on me, I love you enough to let you be happy. I'm not gunna be cliché and say move on, time will pass and one day, if you want go out there and meet someone. Know that if I don't like her, I will make her life hell, just know that. Also when ever you think you alone, you're not. When ever you need me, I'll be there. When ever you fight, I'll be next to you. When ever you're happy I'll be laughing with you and when ever you're sad I'll cry for you. You deserve so much and I'm sorry I won't be there to see you get it all. But know that I love you, I always have always will, and you will always be in my heart.

I love you, and we will be together again,

Your Roza'

I fell to my knees as tears raced from my eyes.

"I love you, crazy and it could have been so easy after everything we've been through. I can love you for every second of every day but I just can't love you back. Why, why can't my love be enough, why?" I all but cried as I forced myself up and to my room where I collapsed into a heap on the floor. Why couldn't love be enough, why couldn't I have been there for her, why?

_These are the lyrics of the song I listened to while I wrote this chapter. _

I can love you in the morning  
I can love you all day  
I can love you even more when I get home  
I can love you every second  
to the ends of the earth  
Where needing you's the only thing that's on  
my broken one track mind

(Chorus)  
Girl, I love you crazy  
It comes so easy, after all we had  
I could love you with all my heart  
But the hardest part is  
I just can't love you back

I could write a thousand letters  
Call a hundred times a day  
Or try to drown my sorrow at the bar  
I could go down to the church  
Get on my knees and pray  
But it still won't change the way things really are  
Won't bring you back again

(Chorus)

I can love you for all I'm worth  
To the ends of the earth  
But I just can't love you back

I can't love you back- Easton Corbin


End file.
